Loneliness can be a very powerful emotional state or series of negative thoughts that often leave people feeling like no one cares about them or that they will never recover from the way they feel. Even more powerful than experiencing loneliness, is experiencing that loneliness while being in a relationship. Feelings of loneliness in a relationship is often associated with being unhappy with the relationship, regret, fears connected to the relationship, and even being unhappy with ourselves. Whatever the cause for these feelings of loneliness, it is a struggle for many to admit these feelings. They struggle with keeping these feelings hidden while trying to hold the relationship together.
How do we overcome the feelings of loneliness we often face in our relationships? How do we communicate that we feel very empty or unhappy concerning our relationships; this unhappiness that causes us to feel very lonely when we have someone sleeping right next to us? How do we battle these feelings in a positive way and empower our relationships to get better? I want to offer three ways to battle those feelings.
First I want to suggest that you ACKNOWLEDGE the feelings of loneliness. Do the work that is needed to come to terms that you are actually feeling very lonely and evaluate where you feel these feelings stem from. Don’t run away from the feelings, but work to try and understand why you feel the way you do and what you need to do next to work on you. Seek help if you are unable to reach beyond the surface of the feelings of loneliness. You know you are digging deeper if you’re not spending all your time blaming others for why you feel lonely, but you are looking at YOU and where they stem from innately.
Next you want to COMMUNICATE to your significant other what you have been facing, but in a non-aggressive and positive way. This can be done by presenting your feelings in a non-threatening and non-blaming way. Communication is very important because no one can read your mind or have the power of empathy; to feel exactly what you are feeling. Even if you have been distant, moody, or stand-offish, no one will be able to tell exactly what you are facing unless you tell them. Blaming only opens the door for the other person to become defensive, when really the goal is to bring them into what you have discovered about yourself FIRST and how it is affecting the relationship. If they see that level of self-disclosure it may open the door for them to communicate with you. You may even discover that this person may have the same lonely feelings as you.
Finally or at least finally for this blog post, you want to CHALLENGE those feelings of loneliness by addressing the cause of the problem. If you’re unhappy about the relationship, see if it is possible for you to change your perspective and position on the relationship. Try to start over, go out on dates to learn more about your significant other, learn new things about them, learn new things about yourself. If you feel you’re unable to change those unhappy feelings on your own, seek help from a relationship’s expert or couples counselor. Don’t be afraid to do the work or even come to a mutual and respectful agreement that the relationship may not be right for the both of you. Either way don’t be afraid to challenge negative thoughts and try to work on it. Don’t sit in your loneliness and blame others for not trying to work on it.